SINCEPTION: BlogSins

Hey, guys, Vampi here.

So a long while ago, I was cruising through my blog (jeez, looking back it was february 13th) and I saw a post where community member Wild Whale posted on her blog a thing where she made a blog post and pretty much CinemaSins’d it. I commented “CinemaSins blog edition… BlogSins?”

We had a conversation from there, and a new post just released today (note writing this April 19th, so it may not be the aforementioned date when I post), so I was thinking, do you know what I need to do that I haven’t done before? Sinception.

I’m sinning today’s (see aforementioned note) BlogSins installment, #5. Here goes nothing.

Story text in regular, Wild Whale’s sins in bold, my sins underlined

 

Chapter 1: To Erewhon Prison For Supervillains But I don’t wanna! Well, too bad!

“No, you don’t understand” Betty Jetty cried, while she was being cuffed by Skye. You mean: as Skye cuffed her, right? Cried, more like attempted to argue. No sniffling allowed in Erewhon, people.

“Betty, I’m sorry. I didn’t think this would happen, but it’s for your own good,” said Ned Noodlehead, her brother. How is it exactly? I never understood the lore that Ned is Betty’s brother. Ned, are you ok with me dating Betty Jetty?

Betty Jetty was silent. She had been accused for flying without a licence seven years ago, and when she had finally escaped and gotten superpowers, she thought she could just fly away and start a new life. I actually got one of those red underliney things from Grammarly and it’s actually supposed to be accused OF. So there. Of course she’s using Grammarly. WHY IS THERE NO GRAMMARLY FOR MOBILE BROWSERS.

And apparently my Chrome mobile browser crashed on this specific paragraph. “Chrome didn’t shut down correctly” my butt. Counting this as a sin because iPad you suck.

But she had been wrong. Nothing went well for her, ever since her stupid brother was born. As she was dragged into the police car she thought about her childhood. She didn’t THINK about it, she REMEMBERED it. Technically, thinking would work in a situation like that. Remembering is a Kali mistake. (1: don’t question it, it’s an inside joke; 2: Kali don’t kill me)

When her brother was born, her parents forgot all about her, and only cared about him. He grew up to be extremely smart and was better than Betty at everything. Sad backstory cliches because that was literally all I could do back then Back then. Remind me when it was you originally made this?

At sixteen, she decided to run away from home and attempted to do so using her father’s plane. Runaway, runaway, runaway baby! (That Bruno Mars reference tho) Alright, time to find out what song that’s from on YouTube and immediately delete it from my search history.

The RAF shot her down and she was taken to jail. Ouch…Wait a sec, if they shot her down, wouldn’t she have died? I don’t think she was flying like 2cm above ground. I question the RAF, but she may possibly have flown 2 centimeters above the ground. Heck, I’ve done that in GTA V. It’s hard, but it’s possible.

“Why is my life so horrible?” Betty Jetty asked herself, but she had no answer for it. It’s horrible because you’re a cliche villain Betty. Plus why would she have an answer for it if she asked the question? Don’t people ask questions if they want the other person to tell them the answer? 1. Betty, don’t take that! 2: Hey, I answer my own questions all the time. 3: That’s usually how it works but still.

“Get out, scumbag. You’re here.” shouted the Police Officer, glaring at Betty Jetty. Crimal abuse. Criminal abuse. And word abuse for making me have to correct that. You’re going to Erewhon too.

Betty Jetty got out and walked towards the prison, with the Police Officer holding both of her hands behind her back. I bet you they can’t afford handcuffs. 1: Game theory mode. Due to Betty Jetty putting her hands in a specific pose to fly, the hand behind the back would be a wise choice. Of course, handcuffs would too, but the officers are trusting that Betty knows where she’s going and it seems as if Betty does know. 2: Nerd talk aside, why is “the Police Officer” capitalized like it is? It’s not a proper noun.

She knew that as soon as she got in, they would try to get rid of her powers, the only thing that made her happy. I think Betty’s played Super Villain Island or whatever it’s called. Oh, come on, it’s unlikely Betty would break the fourth wall… without my help. 😀

However, when she got in, she was greeted by a crowd of prisoners. Because being new makes people like you. I don’t really know if that’s how it works, but OK.

“Ohmygosh! You’re Betty Jetty. We have heard, like, so much about you!” exclaimed one of the prisoners, who was very tall with blonde hair. Summer alert, Summer alert. But what if it’s winter? BUM BUM BUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. …Moving on.

“But… I just got arrested…” Betty Jetty said, very confused. Exactly Betty. However much of a cliche you are, you have a pinch of common sense. Hey, that is how prison works. Trust me, I know. And not because I’ve been.

“News spreads REALLY quickly around here, didn’t ya know?” said another prisoner, who had long brown hair and was very short. This is Kylie, but she seems out of character in this. I honestly don’t know how Kylie got arrested, but I feel as if Summer would have dragged her into this. And, news spreading to a prison that’s basically called ‘Nowhere Prison’ in like 5 minutes? As if. 1: Kylie. Sounds familiar somehow. 2: Spring dragged her into this? Seems legit to me. 3: Hey, they might have been eavesdropping on the guards.

Breathing heavily, Betty Jetty tried to think. She had to. About what? I’ve actually just realised, but the name ‘Betty Jetty’ sounds super childish. Betty, don’t take that either. You’re beautiful, Betty. (In case you guys are wondering, Popular Wolf shipped me with Betty. Either that or Scheherazade. 

At this prison she was basically a celebrity. That was the problem. She didn’t want to be one. Yet the reason she ran AWAY from home was because she got no attention. Now that she’s GETTING attention, she wants to be alone again. What the actual hamster bottoms? Because she doesn’t want prison attention. Makes sense.

She had expected life at this prison to be awful, but being really popular would make it torture. Yeah, being put on a rack and having your limbs stretched until your bones crack is exactly the same as having people follow you around everywhere. I am extremely tempted to slap people right now.

“Anyway, like, my name’s Summer, and I’m, like, pleased to meet you. When we were told you were, like, coming they told us to tell you that you had to go to the, like, Dream Room. Don’t worry, Dr. Jupiter isn’t here anymore!” Summer exclaimed to the extremely confused Betty. Yeah, as if the prison staff would tell basically confidential information to a dumb prisoner. 1: Typical high school white girl much? I don’t mean to stereotype, but seriously. 2: EAVESDROPPING AGAIN. Plus they could have experienced that and known Dr. Jupiter wasn’t there.

So, Betty Jetty left and started thinking about flying. That usually made her feel better. Of course, after her last experience with flying, involving being shot down and almost DYING, the thought of it will calm her down. Because logic. And how does that make sense? OH WAIT. IT DOESN’T.

But not this time. She turned the corner and walked into the Dream Room. A tall man loomed in front of her. I made him try to sound a little bit scary or something put he’s just a mumbling, bumbling fool. This is why voice acting is a thing.

“You are Betty Jetty, right? Yes, yes of course you are. You have crazy hair. Having crazy hair means you’re Betty Jetty. That means I’m Betty, and you’re probably Betty. I’m Betty, you’re Betty, he’s Betty, she’s Betty, are there any more Bettys I should know about?!?

Anyway the, um, doctor will see you now, blah, blah, blah.” the strange man muttered. I bet you a can of beans he actually said ‘blah, blah, blah’ Of course he did, you made him that way.

Betty Jetty gulped. What were they going to do to her?…….. They’re gonna mince you alive and put you in a lasagne Betty… Yeah, what’s a doctor gonna do to a person who has superpowers from a strange meteor? Not guessed yet? He’s gonna examine what gave her the powers. If Betty is smart enough to wonder how the news of her arrest reached prisoners in THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE IN 5 MINUTES, I THINK SHE’S GONNA GUESS WHAT A DOCTOR WILL DO TO HER, A PERSON WHO HAS SUPERPOWERS. …Yeah, I probably shouldn’t question that.

 

And that’s all the story Wild Whale put. Let’s tally up the sins.

TOTAL SIN COUNT: 32

SENTENCE: GRAMMARLY STOPS WORKING

alright yep i’m outta here, keep poppin’ it!

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